He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
