Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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