She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize