Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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