They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
