the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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