can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
