his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
