CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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