Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
