my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
