I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize