my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its not stalking. its research.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
