i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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