he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
