Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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