my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
