And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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