i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
