I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize