It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
