I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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