so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize