So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
