...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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