That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
