i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize