a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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