Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
