I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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