Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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