My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Two words: nipple clamps
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