we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
