i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
