I got chris browned last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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