It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
