Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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