Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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