I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
