I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
