I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
