I faked an abortion last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
