i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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