I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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