Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
