Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize