just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
