So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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