We're facebook friends in real life
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
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