it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
