i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
