love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
