I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I looked at my own cervix.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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