I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
