HIV tests are more positive than that guy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
