Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
