oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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