he thought i was a dude.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
