Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
