Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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