first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
