eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
