So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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