And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize