And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
