had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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