You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
