Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then he peed in my hair
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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