Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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