drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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