he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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