I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize