Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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