i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
