It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
