Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize