I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
