ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
