well I can't set my house on fire every night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
