Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
