My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
