He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
