this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
