Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
