I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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