I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
