nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
