So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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