you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
