1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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