Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
