Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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