my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
