Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
