the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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