normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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