the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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