This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
