from now on my penis is your penis
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just pee around me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
