No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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