rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
