there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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