It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
