i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
