Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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