you didnt know i had herpes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
