I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
