go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
