school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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