So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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